Interest in Strangers

                An interesting thing happened to me the other day. I was on the train this past Sunday heading to Astoria to see a friend who was waiting on a mutual friend of ours at a restaurant. It was brunch time and our friend was running very late to meet him, so I went to rescue him for a bit. Anyway, I was on the train and ran out without my iPod or even a book so I was doing a lot more people watching than normal. We had just pulled into the first station in Queens on the Q train and a man get aboard and sat right across from me.

                He was neither hideously grotesque or even a model by appearance standards. He was just an ordinary man, mid-twenties, very plain looking white male with brown hair, square framed glasses, brown eyes, and a slight crook in his nose with pencil hairs for a beard. He was more on the nerdish looking side since he was reading a textbook about HTML formatting. In any case, when he got on board he immediately had my attention. I don’t quite possibly know what it was about him that attracted me to him, but he was definitely someone I wanted to buy a coffee for and start a conversation.

                He didn’t notice me staring at him until the next stop when I shifted my gaze from him to a girl who sat down next to him. I quickly looked at her to take the focus off the fact that I was blatantly looking at him and tried to pretend I was just looking around. When I turned my attention to the girl, I locked eyes with her and she did something that I found a little funny.

                She was pretty—average looking actually—but in my mind, that’s pretty. So many girls nowadays rock the caked on make-up, false tans, and slutty outfits and try and pass that as sophistication. She wore regular skinny jeans, brown riding boots, zip up hoodie, and had her brown hair in a ponytail.

                She first squinted at me. Not in the harsh: “How dare you! Avert your eyes from my direction!” But more in the: “This is my seductive mysterious squint combined with slight smirk” kind of way. Then she smiled at me. I found this strange because I haven’t really ever gotten that reaction from a girl since probably kindergarten when a girl named Julie gave me that same look before going down the slide, running to me, grabbing my hand and informing me that I was now her boyfriend and her friend Jenny was going to perform the wedding ceremony.

                My reaction to her look was a pleasant smile and a little head nod in acknowledgment. I don’t know why I did this, but it was just my instinct to reciprocate the gesture. I looked over at the original guy and we ended up locking eyes, and he had no reaction what so ever. It was almost like a field test or something.

The next stop turned out to be all of our destinations and so we got up to get off. The guy was in front of me waiting by the door, I was behind him with the girl to my left. I glanced at her and she said, “Hello” a little shyly, smiled and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears. I responded with, “Hey” and we all left the train and kept on walking.

If I had a little more confidence during the day without the added aides of alcohol or dim lighting, I would have walked up to that guy and started a conversation about HTML formatting or whatever. But I don’t, so I didn’t. The girl on the other hand, she had confidence and at least tried, even though her gay-dar might be broken but I appreciated the effort and take it as flattery. If everyone had confidence about doing something to spark an interest or a conversation with the ones they find attractive or like, the world would cut a lot of time bullshitting and time-wasting in half. 

Still Looking

            So the Wednesday before Thanksgiving I met up with Canada since I hadn’t seen him since the Friday before. Unfortunately, that Friday night was also out first official fight, with yelling and being a little irrational on both ends. Also due to circumstances the fight happened to take place in front of one of Canada’s good friends in a cab.

            That whole night was kind of a train wreck, except of course dinner when it was just Canada and I alone at an Italian restaurant on Bleeker St. The cluster fuck came afterwards when I was trying to step up a really good friend of mine with one of Canada’s friends. Well, previous plans, miscommunication, early arrivals, late arrivals, and other unexpected guests kind of got in the way of a smooth evening. I won’t share any serious details about the fight out of respect to Canada but we have made up as well as apologizing profusely to Canada’s friend who was more than understanding of the event. I’m really grateful about his whole attitude towards the whole situation.

            Anyway, readers, it’s unfortunate to further announce that this post doesn’t get any happier. Canada and I are no longer seeing each other. It’s not because of the fight we had all because the fight was mainly no one’s fault and due to a lot of unexpected occurrences. US deciding to not see each other romantically, has to do with what Canada is going through personally. He is under a lot of pressure, physically with all his PhD work and emotionally with issues back at home. I know how hard it can be dealing with tough situations at home when you are so far from home and not being able to help or just be there in person. Canada wants to deal with things alone and can’t seem to really put in a lot of time into a relationship when he is being stretched so then already. I understand, yet we will remain friends and continue to hangout from time to time. I wish him well, his family and good luck with all his work.

            So, here I am, back at it. Out there and looking.

Wanting the Attainable

            I know I haven't written in exactly a month, I'm sorry readers. I got really swamped with work and had my whole schedule thrown off with hurricane sandy, but I'm back and will continue to blog more regularly, promise!

            I don’t know what it is but it always seems as if as soon as I start seeing/dating someone people start coming out of the woodwork and are suddenly interested in me when before they didn’t give me the slightest chance of day. Just one of life’s mysteries I suppose. It’s as if we as humans send out a different type of pheromone that smells like “unavailable” and people always want what they can’t have. People recently have been talking a lot more to me in bars/clubs when I go out than ever before. Even when I went upstate this past weekend I had a guy who I knew peripherally in my circle of friends show me some attention.

            Telling someone you are seeing someone or in a relationship is just awkward. There is no casual way to go about it. Normally, I don’t have that problem because I’m hardly ever in a relationship or seeing someone. I know there is nothing wrong with going on a casual dare with someone you aren’t exclusive with someone else, but in my case I am. Canada and I have been really good at communicating with each other. We might not talk everyday but every so often on updating each other about our lives and projects, work and friends.

            Just as awkward as telling someone you just met you are seeing someone is telling it to an old flame/ex-boyfriend/hookup buddy that you are. Recently I received a text from a guy who I shared some fun summer nights with. Ultimately, it didn’t work out because we were too opposite yet we continued to call each other every so often to have a couple drinks hangout and then go our separate ways in the morning with me usually making the “walk of shame” dressed in my going out attire on the train as people are heading to work.

            I’m not going to lie that we all want to feel attractive. I take it as a compliment that people are more into me, but at the same time they missed their chance. I remember that I once had a friend early in my college career that had an obvious attraction to me but I did not have one for him. Though it felt nice to be wanted I remember I would call him to hangout when my crush was busy or would blow me off. I know that sounds like I used him, and maybe I did to an extent, but I honestly did like him as a friend yet not romantically. We never once got together or hooked up except for one drunken regretful night. Anyway, one time I called him to go to a frat party with me and he said he couldn’t because he was going to go on a DHD (Dining Hall Date) and then watch movies in his dorm room with a guy from his math class. I felt myself immediately get jealous and asking a lot of questions about said guy, mentally comparing him with me in my head. It was just ridiculous. I never had a crush/liked my friend why, suddenly when he likes someone else, I want his affection back onto me?

            Maybe we should all put on our social media profiles that we are in a relationship just to see what the response is from the ones we actually like. Maybe they’ll show more interest. It would be a great social experiment. I’d study it.

Canada Part 2

            You know it’s going well when you both wake up far later than expected and have completely ignored the duties and responsibilities you have for the day. You would much rather just lay in bed not saying anything but just feeling the warm body of the person next to you and then cuddle the day away. Speak of silly things and maybe share stories of your past or something meaningful.

            It was the third time I had spent the night over at Canada’s apartment. He set his alarm the night before for early in the morning yet as we went to sleep I wound up on the side that was next to the alarm clock since that’s the side I prefer to sleep on. It was I who woke up and turned off the alarm when it rang, twice. I looked over and he as asleep and in no rush to wake up or at least snooze the clock himself. I just turned it off all together and went back to sleep pulling him to me, since I like to the big spoon in bed.

            We still have not “sealed the deal” to put it in more G-rated terms. We’re taking that part of the relationship slow. We did though upon on third date that we were to make this “exclusively casual”. Meaning, we aren't going to be dating anyone else as we continue to see each other, but this does not make us boyfriends. No labels, but casual dates with just each other, whether or not sex is involved. I like this route, since I want to see where this can go and I don’t want to feel like I’m cheating on anyone since no one else is going on dates with anyone else. It would be unfair to split my time between two or three different people and making a connection with just one and giving hope to the others when it won’t progress. It’s a waste of their time and mine. It’s merely my opinion, and if playing the field works for you, so be it—go for it, good luck! It’s just never worked out for me.

When I finally opened my eyes it was because I heard him busy himself around the room cleaning and such. It was a little obvious that he was fixing the apartment for anything that was out of place or unclean that he hadn't had time to do the night before. I pretended to still be asleep as I saw him make coffee. He went to the bathroom and I closed my eyes again. When he emerged, he had brushed him teeth, and that’s when I decided to “wake up”. He had put on his underwear and started to rummage around the refrigerator. Meanwhile, I had no idea where I had thrown my clothes the night before until I saw them stacked up on a chair semi-folded in the corner of the room. He asked if I wanted breakfast and off he went getting out bread, eggs and bacon. I could get used to this.

            He knows how to make a good brunch, and it was only Friday, not even the weekend. Since this encounter I had stayed over once more and he made pancakes that time for breakfast. I always volunteer to do the dishes. I need to finally cook for him and have him sit there and look pretty as he tells me all about his day. Yet today, we both didn't worry too much about all we had to do. He has massive reading to do ahead of time in order for him to have free time this up coming weekend since he has three friends visiting. I had work at noon, which I was late for and got to at two in the afternoon instead, though it was okay since it was last day at work.

Until next time, good luck on all your searches.

Chance Encounters

            This is in response to my friend’s post on October 8^th, 2012 her blog themeetcutecollector.blogspot.com After reading about a chance encounter between her two fictional characters, I got inspired to tell you all about two random past chance encounters that happened to me in real life.

The 1^st: Chance Taken

            About two years ago in December I was shopping in Soho for presents for my friends for Hanukkah. When I was finished I got into the subway station at Broadway/Lafayette on the F train going downtown to Brooklyn. A minute passes and an older man seemingly in his late 30s stands next to me on the platform. He was wearing dark jeans and a black leather jacket and kept looking over and making eye contact at me. When the train arrived there were a ton of people on the train so the man and I had to stand next to each other side by side leaning against the door. Me with my two huge bags listening to my ipod and him just standing there glancing over at me from time to time. I would look up and he would be staring at me until he looked away. I didn't think he was unattractive but I did think it was odd he would be staring at me every time I looked up.

            When we finally arrived in Brooklyn he got off at the Bergen St. along with a ton of other people on the train so it became far less crowded. Once he got off I noticed he was just standing there and deliberately looking at me without looking away. I smiled and so did he, along with a wave. I think he was waving for me to get off the train, but I had somewhere to be and was running late. He started to laugh as the doors closed and I couldn't help but laugh and smile myself. Off the train went and I didn't see him again.

            It wasn't until days later I was looking on craigslist for part time jobs that I noticed the missed connections posting. I was curious and so I clicked it and searched through the post and found that someone had posted about the exact same incident that took place between me and this guy. I was surprised so, I responded by e-mailing the posting and describing my side of the story, what I was wearing, the bags I had with me, and a little while later he responded and said it was him. He asked me to brunch and so I couldn't refuse. That weekend I met him and he was really nice, charming, sweet, and incredibly generous. We had a pleasant conversation about his job, he was a hotel architect/real estate developer, and then walked around the neighborhood of Brooklyn Heights. Though he was nice enough, I didn't think I was really all that into him, so I thanked him for a nice time and made plans to chat again. We text for a little while but nothing progressed further than that one time connection.

The 2^nd: Chance Missed

            A couple of weeks ago in September on a Thursday evening, I was coming home late from a night of bonding with coworkers at a bar and went into the train station at 14^th street and 6^th Ave taking the F train downtown to Brooklyn once again. I was wearing a suit but was holding on to my jacket and my bag, listening to ipod and reading New York Mag. I had been waiting about 5 minutes when a taller white male came down the stairs and made direct eye contact with me. He had on a sweater and cut off jeans with flip flops and looked to be about late 20s. He passed me and stood against the pole behind me when the train came. As I turned I noticed he had been staring at me.

            Once the train opened its doors we each got onto the train from separate entrances and went to the same area of seats that had nobody sitting in them. We each stopped suddenly and waited for a second until I sat down and then instead of sitting down next to me where there was absolutely nobody and clearly enough room for 2 more people, he chose to wedge himself in between two larger people so he could be directly in front of me. I looked up at him and he was smiling as he listened to his music and I looked into my bag for a pen. I flipped to the back of the magazine and started to work on the crossword looking up from time to time thinking about an answer and finding that the guy was looking at me. We had only gone three stops until we got to 2^nd Ave and he got up to leave. I looked up once again and smiled at him. When he doors opened he left and so that was that. I didn't see him walk from my peripheral vision away so I turned to see maybe he went the opposite direction and came face to face with him in the window. He smiled so did I and then we laughed. Even after all this, I didn't get off the train and never got his name or number or anything. I immediately went onto craigslist and posted about the encounter we just had thinking that he would at least know about that and check. It’s now the 10^th of October and I haven’t heard or seen him again.

Unfortunately, another opportunity gone, but that’s okay. Like you all know, I've been on two dates with another guy and it’s going extremely well. We’re taking things slow but you all know you’ll read about the progression and how things are going.

Until next time, good luck on all your searches.

The Canadian Boy

            We met at 7pm and I didn't leave his place until about 1pm Saturday afternoon. No, we did not have sex as I’m sure all of you think we did, whether you choose to believe me or not. Honestly, I would have loved to have done it but it was only a first date and isn't sex on a first date a little sleazy? I mean, I feel like sex on first date kind of kills any potential possibility of connecting further. Sex on first date seems to imply that the date probably didn't go all that well, and he didn't sweep you off your feet, but he’s attractive enough  and didn’t eat any garlic/onions so why not get off.

            I met him on OkCupid, a little more upscale dating-wise when compared to adam4adam or manhunt. On those sites it’s all about pretending to be interested in whatever the guy has to say until someone makes the first move in taking off their shirt or unzipping their fly. I've been on those types of get-togethers. This date wasn't about that. I actually took the time to get to know him even before the date happened. We had exchanged messages back and forth for a couple weeks, only because his and my schedule didn't really allow a lot of meet-up time. He’s been really busy as well as I have.

            I arrived just two minutes before the meeting time and within those two minutes I was already reconsidering my outfit choice. I had work in the morning and needed to dress up for a corporate visit so I wore a pink-button down, yellow striped bow-tie, and grey vest, always with my signature brown plaid newsboy cap. I was kicking myself for wearing the bow-tie. I didn't want to come off as pretentious. Then he walked in, and I immediately calmed down. He was just as cute as his pictures made him out to be, and he wore these awesome, overly blue-framed eye glasses (a pair of which Sir Elton John also has).

            He was incredibly articulate compared to my stuttering babble. Vastly intellectual in the world of pop culture: theater, movies, music. I felt like most of the conversation consisted of me asking question after question about his life. He’s working on his PhD in theater and wants to become a professor. He also works for CLAGS, Center of Lesbian and Gay Studies and also teaches undergraduate classes. You don’t find guys like that; who are cultured, witty, smart, and motivated as he is but still finds time to organize a Thanksgiving Day feast for Canada’s Thanksgiving.

            There’s definitely chemistry going on back and forth as he ate his tuna sliders. He’s dropping references that most of the time I’m picking up on and others I should have picked up on. I have to admit I did my research before the date. I went back onto his profile and wrote down key pointers about him, his life, and stuff he mentioned in our messages back and forth, all to be used as fallback for any lull in the conversation. I didn't need any of that. Conversation was consistent and flowed from topic to topic easily. After the dinner, which he graciously paid for (I will obviously pay for the next time, and yes, there is definitely going to be second date) we went to grab drinks with my friends downtown in the east village. A bit of a stretch for a first date, but I’m glad he came with, and I’m glad both parties liked each other, he my friends and my friends him.

            After an evening of drinks, a little dancing, and karaoke, he hailed for cab and invited me back to his place for a night-cap. I accepted and off we went to the upper-upper east side. Once we arrive at his studio which he lives in by himself, he opens a bottle of red wine and pours two glasses and off we go to his roof—gorgeous view of the skyline of downtown Manhattan. The clock finally read 6:30 when we decided to go to bed after talking and playing silly games back in his apartment (which was filled with plays, books, dvds—all research materials for his PhD).

            I woke up to find out he has already gotten out of bed to brush his teeth to sneak back under the covers—absolutely unfair. Taken right out of from the scene of Bridesmaids, but it was cute. I couldn't fault him I probably would have done the same. We stayed in bed for most of the day until we finally had to get up so he could make his 2pm date with Edward Albee (he had tickets to go see “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?”). Date number 2: Monday night with me cooking him dinner. More to follow with this interesting, handsome, Canadian boy.

Getting To Know Me!

            Hi guys, name is Max, I’m 25, live in New York City, work in styling and got a degree in English Literature from a highly recognized 4 year state university. I’m Brazilian born in Campo Grande, Brazil, then adopted by my American dad and my Brazilian mom, grew up in Brooklyn starting when I was 6 years old. I'm friendly, honest, pretty much an open book. I like romantic things like music and art (Avenue Q…anyone?). Anyway, love theater, running in the park, going out with friends, cooking all sorts of different meals, reading, people watching in cafes and parks and staying in to watch bad reality television and situational comedies.

            Oh, I’m also gay. Sorry ladies.

            So on to the real statistics that every gay man actually cares about. I’m 25, Brazilian, black hair, brown eyes, 5 foot 7 (5 foot 8 on a good day), 165 lbs, semi-hairy, verse-bottom and can be experimental in the bedroom. The rest of the statistics (length, size, girth) I’ll leave private since this is going on the internet after all.

            So let’s be honest, how many of you (ladies you may answer this question as well) would go on a date with me based on the first paragraph alone? I thought so—I’m not a bad catch on paper. So why don’t I have a boyfriend? (Again, Ave Q…I’ll stop, sorry). Seriously though, why is it that our gay culture focuses and puts so much emphasis on body image and appearance? I like to think I’m attractive and put together most of the time, even if my outfits might be out of the box sometimes for the average male.

            Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for sympathy. I know that you can’t hurry love; I’ll just have to wait. I just have to give it time, no matter how long that it takes (these references are amazing, I’m sorry, I’ll try and hold back). Until then guys, join me and read all about my adventures in the dating game. I plan on being open and honest (within reason) on everything that happens to me.