So, I think I’ve
finally reached a new level of the “boy crazy” phase I’m in. About a week ago, Christmas
Eve actually, I was at Starbucks and had just come off doing an overnight at
work. I was on line which was basically out the door since it was
immensely crowded even at that ungodly hour early in the morning. Anyway, I had
noticed a guy about 2 people in front of me that was staring at me. He would
turn around every so often shuffling on his feet to look at me.
I didn’t really pay any attention
since I was busy with responding to the many mass text messages my friends were
sending for the holiday. I finally noticed him when the person behind him kept
telling him to move up in line when there was a space. He was pretty attractive,
I had to admit. He was tall, about 5’11-6’, brown hair, average weight I
suppose, not to thick not to thin, and his bone structure on his face was
definitely defined. He smiled at me once I caught his eye but I didn’t react. I
didn’t smile or anything, mostly because I was really tired and any bodily
function I would have had was working on a time delay due to working all night.
The line wasn’t moving fast at all
and he got a call on his cell phone so he answered it. He was talking kind of
loudly and I was trying to overhear everything he was saying on his end. It
seems as if he was planning a kind of big New Year’s Eve party in his apartment
in Hell’s Kitchen where a lot of his out of town gay friends were going to be
at. At this point in my own life, I didn’t really have a set plan for
Christmas since my family was heading to NJ and I didn’t want to join them, or
New Year’s Eve since I might not make it upstate to my friend’s NYE party. For
some reason or another, I wanted this guy to think I was interesting or at
least had friends to make plans with.
Everyone wants to come across as
interesting and that they have things going on in their life besides the
routine schedule of sleep, work, eat and sleep. That is not fulfilling or even
slightly interesting. So what do you think I did? I took out my phone and
pretended that I was getting a phone call. To be completely honest, I pretended
it was ex-roommate Catherine who I had just seen a couple days prior to her
visit from North Carolina. We saw each other on the day of the apocalypse. I
pretended that she had called me and wanted to get together sometime this week
and she was filling me on with her Christmas/New Year’s plans. Clearly I knew everything
she was doing since we saw each other just last week. I relayed what she had said as
if it was the first time, and I was filling her in on my job, NYC, family, and
mutual friends, all at an above than normal speech level so the hot guy would also
overhear my conversation.
Oh he heard me, and he smiled
several times at certain points during my imaginary conversation to my friend.
I hung up a few minutes later before he ordered. Once he did, instead of
heading to the end of the bar to wait for his order he just took several steps
back from the register and then it was my turn and he was right behind me. I
totally thought this was my chance. When I turn around he’d be right there and
we’d smile, awkwardly because we both knew what we were doing; the silly loud
conversations, the smiling, eye contact.
Yet, when I turned around he wasn’t
staring at me but towards the door where a new, even cuter man had just
entered. Not only was he staring, but the man walked right up to him and gave
my crush a hug and kiss on the mouth. Perfect, obvious flirtation wasted. Crazy
imaginary phone call wasted. Hopes and motivation wasted. Which concludes this
post is that I was crazy over a random cute boy for nothing. I didn’t need to
make up a conversation. I didn’t need to play this cat-and-mouse game with eye
flirts and shy smiles. All I really
needed to do was talk to him when I saw him. Have enough confidence in myself
that I can be interesting enough for anyone and go up to anyone once the
flirtation/interest is established and then he also needed to be upfront with
his actions since he had a boyfriend.
You know, all this is easier said
than done. Resolution for 2013: Be confident, put myself out there, and take risks.
Also, be honest and not make crazy phone conversations. J
Once again readers, I promise to update more regularly since it is a new year and I have more time and a set schedule once again at work. Happy New Year readers!
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