Going Dutch

            I really have had it with being the nice guy when asking someone out on a date. I think sometimes we as universal daters, not just the gay or straight community we forgot or maybe have never learned the rules of dating someone. I know it’s a total challenge for asking someone on date but when we finally get that yes, we may have lost ourselves in the happiness of the moment.

            For me, if I ask someone on a date and get a yes, I proceed on the date with the rules delegated to me by the dating rules as being the alpha leader on a date. If I ask someone to dinner, I pay for the dinner, or if I ask them for drinks and happy hour I pay for the first few rounds.

            Unlike this last person I went on a casual date with about 2 weeks ago. I asked him to get drinks and learning his situation about him moving from apartments in the very near future and putting costs into the move and new place, I understood completely. In turn I invited him to come to happy hour and we can chat and talk, and sip a cheap 2-4-1 cocktail or beer. I met him at a bar that he picked because he said he knew the bartender so I went along, thinking “Oh…maybe he is going to take the reins and go somewhere he might get a free drink.” Not that it mattered, it’s just always a good thing to have a bartender friend in your back pocket and in a city where the drinks after the happy hours are over priced, it’s a plus!

            Anyway, we meet and turns out his friend isn’t working today unfortunately but no mind, we chat for a little and then I figure I’ll ask, “Care for a drink?” So I buy the first rounds and we get the tickets for the next one, which we have and then I offer for a third, and once again pay with the tickets for the 2^nd round of free drinks, nothing crazy. Conversation isn’t going all that smoothly yet I’m a nice guy and I figure, give this guy a chance, maybe he’s nervous. Sometimes I tend to come across a little over confident on a date setting and might seem more sarcastic than is necessary. He offers to change locations because he’s a little hungry and maybe we should eat if we decide to drink more because we don’t want to get wasted too early. So I agree and we head to a little place called Empanada Mama in Hell’s Kitchen. Once again, I think “Ok, so I paid for drinks and he paid nothing thus far, but he’s changing location and picked out where he’d like to eat because he’s hungry, maybe he’ll finally offer.”

            We head to the restaurant and we sit down, order some food and a couple of beers and then he proceeds to make conversation with the table next to us to guys who are an older gay friendly duo visiting the city and getting their whole life story. Maybe it’s something I said, or did that’s causing this rift in our connection, right? Well, we eat, chat, say goodbye our new friends as they leave and we get our check. I don’t move and look away as I drink my beer and nothing happens. He finished his beer, water, food, and is waiting for me to say something. So I casually say, “Split it?” and he fumbles with an answer similar to the one about moving and scraped for cash. I’m being really nice and kind of fed up at the moment, so I just pay and don’t say anything. I start to walk quickly up the block hoping to reach any train station to take home because I’m a little fed up, and he says “How about we go to another bar my friend is actually working at and I always get free drinks.”

            You think I’d learn my lesson, but no. I agree, why? Simple, I’ve never been to this new bar he takes me too, I look pretty good since having lost some weight, getting a nice tan, and feeling generally confident in myself that if no drinks actually happen I’ll at least get an opportunity to be seen and maybe talk to someone else at this bar since my date is pretty much going south.  We get to the bar, and it’s like a lounge/bar with couches, so his friend directs me to a seat while my date goes off with his waiter/bartender friend for like 20 minutes and leaves me all alone. Everyone has a group and no one is chatting to me, it’s not that type of bar where it’s easy to go up to anyone and chat like is it at a dive bar which I much prefer. Anyway, he comes back with his friend and two drinks, and his friend asks for a credit card just to put on hold as we sip and drink. I look at my date and he talks to the guy next to him who he slightly remembers. I’m so mad, I give my card away and down my drink order another and a shot—for myself! I end the night with me leaving my date there and me storming off drunk and about 100 bucks down.

            I feel as if my date knew none of the rules to date by. I would have much preferred to go to a cheaper dive bar from the get go and forgo everything else. I asked my date out and of course I had a location in mind, but I asked where he would like to meet if he had any suggestions and he said our initial first place which was fine, so I paid for drinks, two rounds. He didn’t even offer to pay, which is ok, but the offer would have been nice. Then at dinner, I wasn’t hungry, but he was and we chose the place, once again, he should have offered to pay for the whole thing, but of course I would have ended up paying half. Going Dutch is honorable and totally acceptable on a first date. Then at the third location I should not have paid for anything! Yet, me being nice, I did.

            We all have our money issues. Lord knows I have in the past and have told people that I’m a little broke, can’t really go out but generally if I do I offer to pay for a round with friends, a date, a group, whatever. It’s nice and classy and people will remember and appreciate it. I forgot that those who do appreciate it, are those who also do it back and realize it’s common courtesy on a date or a night out with friends.

            It was a rant, sorry folks. But a lesson needs to be learned! Happy dating!